Diary of Miss Ny _________v.3- all about Miss Nyyyy

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What lives within...

Sunday, April 5, 2009 @ 5:37 PM

CURRENTLY:

keeping my guard up.

NOW PLAYING:

India Arie ft Akon- Im not my hair

What can i say?? its been a few days. spring is ON. yet doesnt even feel like it. Went back home to say goodbye to Phillip for the last time....and man DID I CRYYYY. <3>

So i have had a busy weekend. but planning on staying in school for the spring break. too much work..too little time. plus its not like im going anywhere nice anyways. buts its ok i am finneeee. I have prioriites and responisbilities soo i gotta stick to them.

Currently..ive just been going throught my roller coasters of emotions. but lately i have been realizing how each day goes by...the older i get. Sounds stupid right?? but no think about it...every day that goes by the older we get..the wiser or unwise we get...or the weaker or stronger we get. Time is irreversible. we cant press pause,stop,slow down. its our life countdown.

I say this because i am a african american (kenyan) young adult in college...and the pressures hit hardddd. no matter what we do hate listening to our parents even tho in the back of our heads we all know they are right. whether its life, education, boys, or morals....parents most of the time ARE right. So why do i bring all this up???

Because as a young kenyan women growing up in the US...its sometimes harddd to adjust. even tho i have lived here all my life i always felt pulled into two different directions. kenyans want me to do this...yettt americans have me been brought up with that. its ANNOYING. and also its hard for a girl like ME to be around my own "kind". What do i mean?? dont take this as being cocky or overly confident..but im tired of ppl tell me that i dont look like a "typical" kenyan girl..becuase they arent pretty like me or im a "target" for kenyan men to have. As time goes by...it gets worse and worse...that i cant even go to a family party without something bad happening (whether its conflicts with guys towards me mostly).

So then i ask myself why do i go to these places...its not my fault that they try to "get at me". Guys trying to hit on me INFRONT of my parents...drunk or not drunk. yet at the end of the day im the one looked at badly....the one to "look out for". Getting those speeches about "watch out nyambura...or you should know better" blah blah blah. The thing that i would love to scream to the world...no matter how pretty you are..its NOT whats on the outside. its whats within. I deal with that in school and every1 always ask me...Nyyy WHY ARE U LIKE THAT...doesnt it suck. and i say yeahhhh but its my decision. I AM ME. and if no1 likes it FORGET YOU.

I am not my hair...I am not this skin..I am not your expectations ((no))

I am not my hair...I am not this skin..I am a soul that lives .within.

So when you look at me...if you are a REAL man or a REAL person. look to me FOR ME and now my hair or not my skin or not my features. i am a diamond. a diamond of one of a kind and if u dont appreciate that then u might as well...eat dirt.

So as life continues...i will keep my guard up...not let peer pressure screw me over...not let those who want me have me for the outter me but the inner me. im too smart for that SORRY. i have a huge heart soo before you start something.....make sure you want to finish it. cuz i dont play. but take a chance because this girl has a huge heart and if i let you in make sure you treat me right...and i will treat you right. and thats for every1 from school..home...family and in my life in general.

i am the soul that lives within.. i am me. i have learned from my mistakes and i know who i am inside....so dont ever let this cute face fool you ;-) this IS ME.

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